After Nano

So, it’s over.

Thirty days of literary abandon.

In its wake, over 50,000 words, more than 170 pages, and a sense of accomplishment paired with mental exhaustion.

A good exhaustion. Well, a bittersweet one at the very least.

There were quite a few days I believed I could not cross this particular finish line. Between an anniversary jaunt to Maui in week 1, the passing of my grandmother the week of thanksgiving, and a bout with the flu and a sinus infection this last week, I let myself entertain the possibility.

But, the saving grace of determination and a refusal to admit defeat helped me push through the last 2300 words yesterday, and I crossed the finish line a day early with 50, 258 words. Most of it will need to be reworked, reorganized, and very possibly hacked out altogether, but it gave me 50,000 words to work with on my rewrite project. And another sense of accomplishment.

Throughout this little adventure there have been epiphanies, feelings of loss, reminders of both what I love and hate about the writing process. Reminders, also, of the millions of fellow writers going through a similar joy and bittersweet agony. All for the love of words.

What I take from NaNo each year is that feeling of comradeship and the not so gentle shove to complete a goal. Two out of these four years have been a real blast. These last two have been more of a challenge, so I believe I might be getting to the nitty gritty of what NaNo could mean for me.  I am not certain if I am journeying closer to a new realization of the determination we writers need, or something else. The journey is becoming very… interesting. Testing. Challenging. Putting me in a deeper place of dedication as I realize just how much I love what I do.

But this journey is also pushing me to dig. I want to find treasure, but that will depend on me.