Pitch Session | CWBC
Title: Searching for Sara
Genre: Historical Romance
Elevator Pitch:
The ‘elevator pitch’ is a short blurb intended to catch an agent or editor’s attention and invite a submission. Elevator pitches for writers range from 15-25 words, although this number changes depending upon who you speak with.“Sara arrives in America full of hope. But when reporters insinuate an affair with her benefactor, Sara must choose between love or the safety of retreat.”
The Pitch:
The ‘pitch’ is a short synopsis of your book. My pitches usually become the back cover text or the copy I list on my website’s bookshelf page. They give prospective readers a concise idea of the novel. Pitches should not be much longer than a paragraph or two. Again, this opinion changes depending on who you ask.
“Sara arrives in America clasping hopes in a fistful of letters promising a life beyond servitude. (<- edited) But more waits for her than a staff position. Her benefactor is handsome widower Christopher Lake. Though devastated by his wife’s death, he is dedicated to her final request: to provide Sara a brighter future.
Their mutual love of artistry nourishes a strong friendship and encourages Sara beyond her timidity. But when a local reporter insinuates an affair, Sara is stricken by the fear of her growing devotion. Can a servant girl bless such a noble man with happiness? Or will Christopher allow his grief to devour his soul?”
Comments? Suggestions?
14 Responses to Pitch Session | CWBC
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I am a writer. I adore the spinning of the unwritten tale – that lesson waiting to be divulged to others. Each day a new story beckons. One last happy ending. My characters have a life outside of my own, and I always learn from their destiny.
~ Nona ~
"Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." ~II Corinthians 5:17
New book cover looks good!
Your pitches look good. If I were into straight romance, I’d probably want to buy your book. Best of God’s blessings in selling your book.
~ VT
Good job! I like it although I have two suggestions. One–give us an idea of why she came to America. Two, I think the last two sentences need some tweaking. Thumbs up.
I enjoyed both pitches; they made me want to read the book. My guess is that Sara ends up with Christopher Lake…or is she simply reading too much into his kindness??
When I looked at the cover it confused me a bit. With the mention of servitude and so on, the pitches made me imagine an 18th century setting. The cover photos,to me,looked more early 20th century.
Like Victor, I’m not a Romance reader,so take what I say with a grain of salt. Peace and Blessings.
I like both of your pitches, Nona. Minor tweak in the elevator pitch – I don’t think “at” should be used with “insinuate.”
In the longer pitch, I’m not sure “to” should be used in the second-to-last sentence. When you take “such a noble man” out, “bless with” makes sense, but “bless to” sounds odd. Also, in the last sentence, “the grief” would read better as “his grief” in my opinion.
I agree with E.G. about the cover, it looks good, but too modern somehow. Maybe the font used for the title could be changed, or an illustration that looks painted instead of so photo-realistic would be more effective.
Sorry I’m so late in leaving a comment, but better late than never, right? It was fun to see these pitches again on your blog after going through the process at the ECFL workshop.
excellent writing skills & also I just had a quick question for you.. is this a WP theme blog or is it a different theme? I really like the design
Thanks.
The most depressing idea is that this cover likely won’t be used if the novel is accepted by a main-stream publisher. 
Thanks, VT.
I appreciate it. Now if only OakTara would get back to me regarding my submission…. I can’t submit it anywhere else until they reject it because they don’t allow simultaneous submissions.
~Nona
Thanks, Sheila. Were you talking about the Long Pitch or the Elevator Pitch?
Elevator Pitch: “Sara arrives in America eager for life beyond servitude. But when reporters insinuate at an affair with her benefactor, she must choose love or the safety in retreat.” (28 words)
I’m glad you liked them! And yes, Sara does get together with Christopher at the end of the book. In fact, it is Sara’s faith and her friendship that lead him back to Christ.
So, can you tell me what in the cover makes it look early 20th century? My sister said the same thing, which has me confused. The aging on the photos is what was used in the 1800s, and the Georgetown style house in the background is circa 1856. Also, the stock photo of the young lady was Victorian era…. Of course, if this is accepted to the mainstream, I guess the cover is a moot point.
XD In a previous cover I used a sketch instead of a photo. When I switched to a photo, that was when I altered/aged them to the appropriate circa of 1800s. Thanks for the suggestions of the pitches!
Thanks. I thought about pitching one of my others, but then I thought it best to follow this one all the way through.
I wish I could have stuck with the Workshop, but it was overwhelming, working in Google Groups. Too chaotic. If it was in a forum format I think it might have been easier for me to follow what was going on. Oh well. 
Live and learn, right?
Thanks.
The design is by Elegant Themes.